Monday, July 5, 2010

5 new rules of dating

It was altered in the old days. Boy and babe set eyes on anniversary other, boy and babe took a flash to one another, boy and babe got hitched. These days, appropriate from the aboriginal date, a actor things can go amiss - and that's not alike counting the fresh adhesive situations that crop up as times change. Here are bristles fresh dating dilemmas - and how to accord with them.

RULE NO. 1: Drop out There was a time aback a date concluded at the aperture of a woman's home, alike if she lived center beyond the city. But these days, a brace tends to allotment agency at the aperture of the restaurant or circuitous they've been at, anniversary activity their own way. "There's beneath of an obligation to see the woman all the way home," says IT able Andrew Dias. "I ability see her into a cab, but I anticipate it's too patronising to acquire she can't get home by herself."

Copywriter Ragini Yadav agrees with Dias. "There are times aback I would like to be alone home, like aback it's actual late," she says. "But not every time. I see no acumen to annoyance my fiance all the way home aback I apperceive he'll aloof acquire to go all the way aback again."

According to Dr Tushar Guha, arch analyst and MD, Nrityanjali Education and Management Services, this is one instance in which women acquire been demography the initiative. "Unless it's actual unsafe, women don't acquire a botheration activity home on their own," he explains. "That's because they additionally appetite their freedom."

RULE No. 2: Kill bill Banker Sharad Bansal isn't abashed that his adherent of six months pays her own way on dates. After all, added and added 20-something guys apperceive that these days, men are no best accepted to "woo" their women by paying. The avant-garde woman is happy, alike assertive to pay her way. This, says Dr Guha, is a aftereffect of the charge for anybody to acquire their own admeasurement of ability and self-respect.

But there is one exception. "If a guy is laid off or fired, his adherent should not action to pay or breach the bill on a night out," says Dr Guha. "This becomes an ego issue. A man who has been fabricated bombastic may not alike appetite to accommodated his girlfriend, and I apperceive of cases area guys acquire adopted money to appearance off on dates." His admonition for women confronted with such an issue? "Tread carefully. And if you feel your man will not acquire the situation, aloof accommodated for coffee."

RULE NO. 3: Break air-conditioned Aback crazy assignment schedules led to Swapnil Deshpande and his adherent alone seeing anniversary added for a few hours every week, his agony to absorb added time with her collection him to advance that she absorb the weekend at his place. But it backfired. "My adherent was horrified," he recalls. "Maybe it wasn't the smartest abstraction to aback pop the question. After all, we hadn't accepted anniversary added actual long." But no such fate overtook Amar Desai aback he abashed his adherent with an brief cruise to Lonavala. "We've been dating for three years now, so it was time we took the accord to the abutting level," he explains. "We enjoyed the trip, and plan to do this added often."

According to Dr Guha, while invitations to break over or go on brief trips are added accepted now, they should alone be fabricated already a brace acquire accomplished a abundance akin with one another. "Women are about abashed to be arrive to a guy's home," he explains. "Many women will acquire that a guy is too 'fast' if he suggests that she break the night."

RULE NO. 4: Ring the changes So what if you don't appetite to marry. Consider active in instead. Chambermaid relationships acquire become common. Alike the Supreme Court has accustomed them acknowledged sanction. So there are couples who berth up calm to see if they are compatible, like Aarti and Sandeep Tavadia, who lived calm for seven years afore attached the knot. Sometimes, couples who are artlessly or formally engaged, move in afore the bells to save on expenses.

However, still others like Shyla Mascarenhas and Adrian Fernandes are allotment a chambermaid accord as a abiding arrangement, not article that will advance to marriage. "We neither of us feel actual acerb about marriage," explains Shyla. "But we acquire been dating for over eight years and acquainted this was a acceptable arrangement. It was a accustomed transition." People arise to acquire it, admitting Shyla says wryly that the neighbours will accompany up the M chat frequently. "They'll say things like 'home loans will be cheaper!'"

RULE NO. 5: Bless the adolescent It's no abstruse that some marriages do not aftermost for ever. Which agency that you may able-bodied end up dating addition who has kids. "This is absolutely added accepted than you would think," says Dr Guha. "What happens in a bearings area one being has kids is that both parties, abnormally the being who is the parent, moves advanced in the accord actual slowly."

Mayuri Sen, whose mother had a additional marriage, says affair the kids and accepting to apperceive them is an basal allotment of such a relationship. "If you are attractive at a abiding commitment, again it has to be a slower action because you are dating a family," she explains. "The being has to be absolutely abiding that the kids are accept with him or her afore proceeding further."

If there is tension, Sen advises starting over. "Show abstract levels of amore and be able to accommodated the being halfway," she advises. "And it's not all-important for anybody to acquire a abundant affinity appropriate off. Sometimes, it's accept if you can be in the aforementioned allowance and accomplish conversation."